An Eternally Safe Haven (click here to purchase the LinC issue from Cokesbury)

This week, Cokesbury published the curriculum I wrote for their weekly current events curriculum called LinC (Living in Christ). Here's an excerpt from the introduction page...there are Sunday school programs for both Jr. and Sr. High youth with activities, discussion questions, plenty of Scriptures and a devotional. To purchase a copy, click on the link above.

In July of this year the state of Nebraska adopted a ‘safe-haven’ law, which is intended to save the lives of babies who might otherwise be harmed by overwhelmed or teenage parents, by allowing those parents to drop off the child at a hospital ‘no questions asked.’ But in Nebraska, the bill was passed not just for infants but for minors up to age 18. In September of this year a father dropped off 9 of his children at Creighton University Medical Center in Omaha. Reports of the incident spread and before Nebraska could determine what course of action to take, parents and guardians from neighboring states started driving to Nebraska to abandon their teens. So far, 35 children between the ages of one and seventeen have been left in the care of Nebraska hospitals.
It would be very easy to pass judgment on all the parents who had abandoned their children. And in some cases it is justified to be appalled at parents who were too lazy or too busy to find real solutions to the problems they were having with their teens. But other cases reveal much more complex situations.
Gary Staton who left his nine children was interviewed by KETV in Omaha and shared that his wife died from a brain aneurysm shortly after giving birth to their youngest child. In order to care for his children Staton quit his job, but then could not pay for rent or utilities. He felt it was better to turn them over to the state to be safe than to make them homeless. “I was with her for 17 years, and then she was gone. What was I going to do? We raised them together. I didn’t think I could do it alone. I fell apart. I couldn’t take care of them.”
According to statistics published by the Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services comparing information from the first 30 cases, 90 percent of the children had previously received some type of mental health care; 93 percent were living in single-parent homes; 73 percent had a parent/guardian with a history of prior incarceration; 93 percent were living in or near an urban community; and 57 percent were previously, or are currently, a state ward in Nebraska or another state. In several cases, parents who abandoned their children at Nebraska hospitals reported that they tried getting help for their children from the local and state agencies and police departments, but that no real help was available to them unless their child committed a crime. Regardless of the reasons for abandonment the statistics reveal that there are many interconnected issues like socio-economics, health care, crime, family structure or support, and availability of social services that can all contribute to the inability of a parent or guardian to care for, or get the right help in caring for a child.
There are many challenging questions that this story brings to light. How could a parent abandon a child? What must these youth be struggling with that their parents/guardians would consider such action? How equipped are our state and county agencies for caring for families in crisis? What should our responses be in our local churches to families in our communities facing these same realities? What does this situation unfolding in our country say about our priorities when it comes to children and families?
While this story will continue to unfold in the media and the Nebraska state legislature will have to deal with amending their law in the months to come, our Christian faith and our Scriptures show us that the feeling of abandonment is universal and timeless.
From as early as Abraham being willing to follow God’s command to sacrifice his own son, giving him up to God, to Jesus leaving his disciples to be with God in heaven, the Bible is rich with stories that can teach us about abandonment. From creation God knew that humans were not meant to be alone, but were created to be in relationship with God and one another. So what is our responsibility as Christians, parents, students and churches to parents and teens like these and in our own communities? One of the over-arching messages of the Bible is that God never abandons God’s people. The Israelites sinned and strayed far from God, but God could not abandon them forever. “They [Israel] shall again live beneath my shadow, they shall flourish as a garden;” (Hosea 14:7a). Not only did God restore Israel, but later gave all of us his own son, Jesus Christ, so that believing in him, we would never feel abandoned again. “For I am convinced,” Paul writes, “that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39).
In our churches, our youth are well aware of many of their peers who are ‘at risk’ and dealing with a host of complex issues. Regardless of whether the youth in our churches have friends in their own tribes dealing with these issues, or just know of kids at school or other places dealing with these issues, it is our responsibility to dialogue about and be in ministry with teens who feel abandoned, and with parents who have lost hope. Why? Because Jesus does not just ask us to be ‘good Christians.’ Jesus asks us to follow him in mission, serving the least, the last and the lost. Certainly, these teens and these families are feeling like the least and the lost.

Especially this week while we are feasting and joining together with family and friends, pray for the children and youth who have no real family, who feel abandoned and alone. Pray for the parents who have had to let go of their children as an act of love and courage.

Sacred Connections with or without Technology

Is anybody out there? How often have you seen that question posted on a myspace page or thought that to yourself while posting your latest blog entry? Just a few years ago things like myspace, facebook, blogging, twitter, podcasts, webcasts, and RSS feeds did not exist. Now everyone has a blog or myspace page, but who is reading all the stuff we post?
The idea behind all the online communities and technologies is to easily connect people and make friends who share common interests. Yet, sometimes when we try to connect with others we find that no one responds to our posts, text messages, or voicemail. While the jury is still out on whether our constantly wired world helps us or harms us socially, at least one research project by Washington University “showed a rapid decline in participation for social activities beyond the net and increases in depression and loneliness.”
Thomas Lewis, author and assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California at San Francisco examines the psychobiology of human interactions. At the recent Conference on World Affairs, Lewis warned that “if we're not careful, we can trick a part of our brain into thinking that we're having a real social interaction--something crucial and ancient for human survival--when we actually aren't. This leads to a stressful (but subconscious) cognitive dissonance, where we're getting some of what the brain thinks it needs, but not enough to fill that whatever-ineffable-thing-is-scientists-still-haven't-completely-nailed-but-might-be-smell.”
No wonder we sometimes feel ‘empty,’ or like we haven’t really said anything after online conversations. Our brain is processing the interaction differently than a face to face human interaction and it knows that something important and real is missing. That “empty” feeling can leave us feeling depressed or lonely very quickly, especially if it happens over and over again. Think about the last really good face to face conversation you had with someone and how you felt afterward. Have you ever felt that way after an online exchange?
Youth are especially vulnerable to this kind of technologically induced loneliness because in their stage of development they are naturally experiencing more loneliness as part of their separation from parents and formation of their own identity and independence. During adolescence friendships are of primary importance and can change quickly, often contributing to the roller coaster of emotions that teens may feel. When those friends and social networks do not respond to the variety of messages sent, the sense of loneliness may increase despite the number of myspace friends or online communities one is a part of.
The obvious solution seems to be to encourage more face to face communication and interaction. Yet, how often are some friends available at the same times? Work schedules, school, sports, family responsibilities, and lack of transportation can make those human interactions impossible on a regular basis. So, while technology can make it easier to stay in touch, the interactions are often much less fulfilling.
As Christians we are called to be in community, and we are called to share the Gospel message with others. While technology can certainly help us reach people and get information out, it is our human and holy conversations that bring us into the full connection with one another and with God. Sending a prayer to a friend via IM or text is a wonderful way to use technology. Being with that friend to pray is God-filled moment. Sharing your faith or personal testimony through a blog is a great way to evangelize and bring people to Christ. Personally helping someone connect their story to God’s story and walking with that person on the Christian journey is what being a disciple is all about. Our human interactions may be more difficult, more painful, more messy and more confusing, but they are also that much more rich, joyous and fulfilling. And a human hug is so much more fulfilling than touching a flat screen!