NBC’s new reality show, “The Baby Borrowers” puts teenagers who think they are ready for adulthood and parenthood through the paces to see if they can handle the real challenges of crying infants, screaming toddlers, pre-teens with attitudes and senior citizens who need care. In addition, they must have one parent work outside the home and be under the constant eye of the television cameras and the parents (by remote camera) of the children in their care. The teens have three weeks to experience their new ‘adult life’ and the real parents are allowed to step in at any time if they feel their child is not being cared for properly. A professional nanny also shadows each couple in the home so that each child’s safety is carefully monitored.
The new show addresses a common desire for many teenagers – to be grown up and be the ones making the rules instead of having to live by them. In the same way that many older adults may glorify youth, teens often idealize adulthood seeing only the benefits and not the struggles. In our image driven culture, the media we consume only adds to the stereotypes, portraying the ‘glamour’ of living the adult life with cars, homes, money, time and friends at their disposal without any of the real worries of jobs, child rearing, or financial stability.
But seeing the realities of adulthood is only half of the equation. We also have to understand why teens want to skip ahead in the first place. It is normal for children and youth to want to be grown up, to make the rules, be in charge, and to feel a sense of control over their lives. Often when teens express a desire at a young age to just be an adult, it is a reaction to feeling like they are not being given enough control over their own lives. Growing up becomes an, “I’ll show you” kind of threat that teens feel confident they can prove because they know so much more about life than their parents. Going through adolescence is extremely difficult. Everything is changing – bodies and brains are still developing; relationships are changing, and the ‘black and white’ world of their childhood is fading to shades of grey where they face one uncertainty after another. Add to that the peer pressures, the self-consciousness, the educational pressures, the media images, the changing expectations of parents, and the almost constant roller-coaster changes in friendships and relationships, and it is no wonder why some teens would prefer to just escape!
The problem is that many teens, even if they see the difficult realities of adulthood, will still feel that they are specially equipped to handle it. Some teens feel that their age even gives them an edge over adults who are working and raising families, making the argument that they tire less easily and may be in better physical condition than adults. Interestingly enough, the official website for the show asked the poll question: “When are couples best prepared to become parents?” Just before the first episode aired, 65% had responded that teens were best prepared. At the time of this publication, those numbers have changed drastically with only 26% responding ‘teens’, 31% responding those in their ‘20’s’, and a whopping 40% responding those in their ‘30’s’.
Is this show changing the teen’s minds about fast-forwarding to adulthood? The episodes will continue to reveal what they learn, and it is likely that some teens and tweens watching will also gain some new insights. Maybe more importantly this is an opportunity for dialogue between adults and teens about what we each go through.
For Christians, the theme is not new and has its Biblical counterparts. The story of Jacob and Esau with Jacob stealing his brother’s blessing and birthright has an element of being the first to grow up. David was called as a young shepherd boy to grow up quickly and learn to be a king, but his story reflects how he faltered along the way or may have been immature in some ways. We often focus on the wonderful parts of Mary’s story – being pregnant with God’s son while forgetting how scary and difficult it must have been for her to be seen pregnant but unmarried; or how difficult the long journey was to Bethlehem while being so uncomfortably pregnant; or how awful it must have felt to be a new mother with no help and constantly being on the run from King Herod; or how painful it was to know that your child was being hunted. And of course we have Jesus’ parable of the Prodigal Son who wants to escape his life at home, grow up and receive his inheritance, and strike out on his own. But, as we know that didn’t work out so well for him either.
One of the best things we can offer youth is honest dialogue about the hardships and blessings of each stage of life. As caring adults we can empathize with the pain of adolescence as teens share how hard it is for them now. We can also point out some of the joys of living as youth and help students embrace this part of the life and faith journey while moving on to the next. Finally, we can be honest about the fact that just because we may be living an adult life with adult privileges does not mean that we do not also face difficult challenges and pressures too. Sharing our struggles and our joys honestly is what being the body of Christ is all about.

Thank You Means So Much

Just over a year ago, I was struggling to find a resource that I could share with church families on the fifth anniversary of 9-11. Especially on that day, when many families just want to be together and not necessarily try to attend another worship service, I was looking for a devotional that families could use in their homes and adapt for their own needs. Finding nothing of what I was looking for, I decided to write something and at least be able to use it with my congregation and share it with friends and family. After a few emails and phone calls, the General Board of Discipleship of the United Methodist Church was gracious enough to publish it last year on their website.
This year, GBOD updated it and again made it readily available on their website. I shared it with some church families this year, and will use it with my family as well.
This afternoon I received a call on my cell phone. A gentleman from accross the country had tracked me down and wanted to just say, 'Thank you' for the 9-11 resource that I had written. I was stunned that a perfect stranger would take the time to track me down and reach me to share a personal thank you. After the phone call, I looked toward the sky, tears in my eyes and thanked God that something I did had meant something to someone else. That thank you was an immeasurable blessing; so unexpected and so appreciated. I thank God for the gifts that allow me to be in ministry, but most of all I am reminded how much a 'Thank you' can mean.
If you would like to use the devotional for your family, please click on the link below. May God be with you, and may you be blessed in the giving and receiving of thanks.
9-11 Family Devotional

Sacred Connections with or without Technology

Is anybody out there? How often have you seen that question posted on a myspace page or thought that to yourself while posting your latest blog entry? Just a few years ago things like myspace, facebook, blogging, twitter, podcasts, webcasts, and RSS feeds did not exist. Now everyone has a blog or myspace page, but who is reading all the stuff we post?
The idea behind all the online communities and technologies is to easily connect people and make friends who share common interests. Yet, sometimes when we try to connect with others we find that no one responds to our posts, text messages, or voicemail. While the jury is still out on whether our constantly wired world helps us or harms us socially, at least one research project by Washington University “showed a rapid decline in participation for social activities beyond the net and increases in depression and loneliness.”
Thomas Lewis, author and assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California at San Francisco examines the psychobiology of human interactions. At the recent Conference on World Affairs, Lewis warned that “if we're not careful, we can trick a part of our brain into thinking that we're having a real social interaction--something crucial and ancient for human survival--when we actually aren't. This leads to a stressful (but subconscious) cognitive dissonance, where we're getting some of what the brain thinks it needs, but not enough to fill that whatever-ineffable-thing-is-scientists-still-haven't-completely-nailed-but-might-be-smell.”
No wonder we sometimes feel ‘empty,’ or like we haven’t really said anything after online conversations. Our brain is processing the interaction differently than a face to face human interaction and it knows that something important and real is missing. That “empty” feeling can leave us feeling depressed or lonely very quickly, especially if it happens over and over again. Think about the last really good face to face conversation you had with someone and how you felt afterward. Have you ever felt that way after an online exchange?
Youth are especially vulnerable to this kind of technologically induced loneliness because in their stage of development they are naturally experiencing more loneliness as part of their separation from parents and formation of their own identity and independence. During adolescence friendships are of primary importance and can change quickly, often contributing to the roller coaster of emotions that teens may feel. When those friends and social networks do not respond to the variety of messages sent, the sense of loneliness may increase despite the number of myspace friends or online communities one is a part of.
The obvious solution seems to be to encourage more face to face communication and interaction. Yet, how often are some friends available at the same times? Work schedules, school, sports, family responsibilities, and lack of transportation can make those human interactions impossible on a regular basis. So, while technology can make it easier to stay in touch, the interactions are often much less fulfilling.
As Christians we are called to be in community, and we are called to share the Gospel message with others. While technology can certainly help us reach people and get information out, it is our human and holy conversations that bring us into the full connection with one another and with God. Sending a prayer to a friend via IM or text is a wonderful way to use technology. Being with that friend to pray is God-filled moment. Sharing your faith or personal testimony through a blog is a great way to evangelize and bring people to Christ. Personally helping someone connect their story to God’s story and walking with that person on the Christian journey is what being a disciple is all about. Our human interactions may be more difficult, more painful, more messy and more confusing, but they are also that much more rich, joyous and fulfilling. And a human hug is so much more fulfilling than touching a flat screen!

An Important Question...Let's Go One Step Further

In her article yesterday in the Washington Post, Dale Hansen Bourke wrote, "When I interviewed people of faith for a book I was writing on poverty, most agreed that poverty was a faith issue, but few could name specific ways their own faith community engaged with the poor, except in foreign missions." (Full article)

Poverty emerges as an important issue for me as well on the faith and political fronts. As I have traveled the country and the world leading mission experiences for young adults, and more recently as I have taken a very personal role in helping a homeless woman in my area, I have come to understand that mission is not about helping people "somewhere else." While it is crucial to be in mission in places far distant from one's own zip code, it is just as crucial to be in mission in our own neighborhoods. It is no surprise to me that many people of faith have no personal experience with helping those poor in assets and in spirit right in their midst.

Book after book about church rejuvenation reflects the notion that many houses of faith are very good at 17th and 18th century forms of worship and are stuck into the 1950's and 1960's notions of mission and poverty.

As church leaders (speaking as one of them) we have been fearful to change "traditional ways" thinking that we would lose membership and money. But we've behaved like the Pharisees of Jesus' day in some respects. Rather than reaching the "least, the last and the lost" we either gotten stuck or hidden behind committees and failed to trust God to provide all we needed in order to do what God is calling us to do.

So my questions for you to consider today are these. What is your community of faith doing to engage with the poor in your area? What are you doing to learn about and help the needful people in your neighborhood? What are you doing to see the sacred in all people? What are you doing to help others see the sacred in all people?

May you find joy in the challenge, and may God comfort you as you provide comfort for others!

Now We're Asking the Right Questions

It's not surprising this article from the Washington Post jumped out at me today. Finally, someone is looking beyond the surface of poverty in America, and asking new questions that can spark new answers and ideas.

I've now seen, through the eyes of my friend Angel, how poorly the "system" works. It is inane! Angle does not fit the normal "homeless profile" and neither do an increasing number of folks who are not keeping up with the rising costs of living. Gas prices, energy costs, food prices, and health care costs are rising faster than most people's wages. And those of us who have money and are not living at the poverty level are feeling the crunch of our higher electric bills, grocery bills, fuel bills, and higher prices on consumer goods. So if we're complaining about the pinches in our budgets, how do we think those who make much less than we do are surviving? Many folks are working full time, but are still not making ends meet. It is often not because they are over-buying or over-spending their budget. Our money does not go as far in the day to day of living. It is not just about "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" anymore. Many people are, but the straps just don't reach as far now. Working homelessness and poverty are real. So what are you and I willing to do individually to help change it?

The Sheep and the Goats (Matthew 25:31-46 NIV)
31"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
41"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
46"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

Bible Resources.Org

The Angel in My Life

About a month ago I was being my extroverted self and introduced myself to a woman at church who was wearing a visitor nametag. That was the beginning of an amazing relationship.
For many years God has been working on me, gnawing at me to look homelessness in the face. When I lived in Chicago it seemed like homeless people where everywhere begging for money. I walked past them on Michigan Avenue, drove past them on the Diversy/Kennedy ramp, and helped make a few meals for them at my church's weekly shelter. But God kept challenging me to see things differently and to do something more.
I've been given several opportunities to do more over the years, but have always come up short and found ways to pass on by like the priest and the Levite in Jesus' parable. So that Sunday morning when I introduced myself to Angel and learned that she wasn't just visiting from out of town, but that she was homeless, I decided then and there to stop passing by. After the worship service I enlisted some help and after a small flurry of action I garnered approval for her to stay in an empty home that the church owned, but would soon be renting.
The more time I have spent with Angel, listening to her life stories, helping her through the difficult maze of social services, and waiting with her for a bed in a shelter, the more I have been blessed by her. God is "growing me up" right in front of my own eyes. When I read some of Jesus' parables and the accounts of his healings I am awed, challenged, humbled and even ashamed because I know that I am afraid of doing what Jesus did. I'm afraid of putting myself in harm's way. I'm afraid of interrupting my schedule. I'm afraid of what my family or friends might think. I'm afraid of becoming the "hitching post" for all things "needy." I'm afraid I won't have enough to give. Thank goodness God knows better than I do!
Angel and I have had no reason to trust one another. But we have. She stayed in our home for a week until a bed opened up in a shelter. Now I'm still helping her "navigate the system" along with several other great church folks. But I can't wait to have her in our home again.
This is just the beginning of the story for Angel and me. I have no doubt that God will continue to shape both our lives, giving us many opportunities to minister to one another.